A Hitch-Hiker whom makes an assumption that a complete stranger will soon stop and offer a lift is making one great leap of faith.

For a motoring traveler to stop and pick up two scraggly young dudes thumbing on some lonely interstate is a much bigger challenge.

Neville and I needed to utilize every charm, bribe, and shiny bangle in our quiver in order to convince wary drivers to take a chance on us. Good grooming was essential, though maintaining chicness on the road was it’s own challenge. Bright smiles and positivity were always helpful too. But in the few milli-seconds that a speeding car passes the hitch-hiker and a driver catches a glimpse of the hitch-hikers on the side of an Interstate, one could find themselves in dire need of some powerful draw to stimulate the driver’s desire to provide assistance.

There are only a few key reasons to stop and offer a ride to a total stranger. There were promptings of kindness and charity, and in our travels we came across a lot of helpful strangers full of good will willing to stop. And there were sometimes overwhelming curiosity that would come into play; for instance ‘why are these two boys out in the middle of nowhere?‘ One very common reason for someone to stop and offer their generosity was that a driver traveling long distance may desire some distraction in order to fend off white line fever. Tapping into those driver incentives to stop, Neville and I had to do our utmost to add encouraging nudges for the drivers to take a chance on us.

One clever ‘trick‘ Neville came up with was to emphasize that ‘we’ were a pair of world travelers from Great Britain. Americans and Canadians LUV the ceremonial pomp of the ‘British Empire’. In America every daughter and their ‘mum’ are brimming with obsession for the royal family. English accents and phraseology are also an intense source of ecstatic mirth along with offering a few erotic musings all across New World lands. Meanwhile, our cousins and friends in Canada were often even more likely to stop and give a Brit a lift. Or perhaps I should say that our Canadian cousins were less likely to desire to give an American a lift than they would for a subject of Great Britain. Playing the ‘Brit’ card was a standard tactic in our efforts to get ourselves a cozy seat in the back of a Cadillac for a long lazy tour.

To affect the instant recognition for the speeding drivers that we were indeed Brits, Neville devised a very simple and effective tool. He simply attached a bright Union Flag to the front of his backpack and stood it up backed up against my own backpack and facing oncoming cars on the motorway. The visible Union Jack provided instant recognition that two ‘fascinating’ adventurers from England were in need of rescue. This was a very simple and effective talisman indeed, well received and the start of many interesting conversations.

Fast forward to current times, and the two of us have not been out thumbing together in over 40 years. So I have oft wondered if this flag theory would still be as effective today as it was back in 1980. The two of us are planning on another cross country road trip, if we were to do bits of it with our thumbs out, would the Union Flag still do the ‘trick’? Though renewed thumbing is still an option to be determined, if we were to extend out our aged thumbs, would the British Flag still have the same seductive enticement in this post 9-1-1, post Covid, post Trump America? It is difficult to really tell, perhaps readers might want to comment on their thoughts on this subject.

In the meantime, I tried to brainstorm some other ideas on possible future flags we might try to get us thumbing successfully down the road 40 years after the fact.

I thought about trying a ‘pirate’ flag. Don’t you know that Americans simply are enamored with pirates? We have a Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland, and the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean‘ movie franchise, there is the restaurant chain ‘Long John Silver’s’, there is Tom Sawyer in our beloved literature playing a pirate along the mighty Mississippi river, and there is even a hugely popular movie ‘Muppet Treasure Island‘. My goodness, we even have a ‘National Talk Like A Pirate Day‘ every September 19. Perhaps we could substitute the Union Jack for the Jolly Roger on one of our backpacks.

Yeah, but I don’t know if Pirates is the look we should go for. That flag might attract more of the Hell’s Angel’s biker crowd than the the helpful instructive nerd types in our target audience. I’m just not sure that particular flag would entice our primary benefactors. Besides, neither Neville nor I would do well riding bitch on a Harley chopper across Death Valley. I think this idea may be a ‘no’.

I also thought about trying out the Ukrainian National flag. Everyone loves the Ukrainians in this day and age, right?

But no, I am extremely well aware of my own limitations in any attempt to pull off an Eastern European accent. That would be as bad an idea as trying to affect a convincing English accent was back in 1980. And I suspect Neville may not be much better with the Ukrainian accent as I would be. The first time he slips out a ‘stiff upper lip’ or ‘bob’s your uncle’ we’d be dashed from the Cadillac and rudely out sitting upon our sore ‘bums’.

A Confederate flag might hit the button in Red States, perhaps not so much in Canada or the Blue States.

Similarly, a Rainbow flag might be fine for blue states, but I’m starting to wonder if there are any blue states left anymore. 

It would be tempting to have Neville try his sewing skills on a reversible flag with the Confederate flag on one side and the rainbow flag on the other side, but I’m not sure how we would know which one to wave at what time. That could go very wrong very fast, as could some other ideas I tossed around. Did anyone inform our audience that there are concealed carry and open carry drivers all across the continent? Unwise for us to stir up the creepy critters from under their stones with any really controversial flag.

Perhaps a Disney flag may have a somewhat less controversial message associated with it. But then that just doesn’t really ring true to either of our two personalities. Who knows what kind of drivers that might attract? (But then again, for hitch-hikers, any ride short of a serial killer is usually ok in a pinch!)

I’m not sure that I have reached any consensus on what might work in 2024. The best I could come up with might be a Bob Ross flag suggesting ‘Happy Little Trees’. Who does not like Bob Ross? What do you think, would you stop for two old guys flying this flag?

Maybe we should just stick to a Greyhound Bus this time around…Or, hey, are any of you going our way?

Cheers, nca